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Stakes Rise Over U.S.-England World Cup Match: Settling Score Over BP
 “IF THEY WIN, WE’LL FORGO ALL CRIMINAL CHARGES AGAINST BP. IF WE WIN, THEY’LL HAVE TO GO BACK IN TIME, DEFEAT THE BOSTON TEA PARTY, AND SAVE ME FROM A TOXIC FLOW OF WASTE THAT NO ONE SEEMS ABLE...
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World Cup Fans To Replace Vuvuzelas With Joe Barton
“JOE BARTON IS ACTUALLY THE MORE ANNOYING DRONE DESIGNED TO DISTRACT FROM THE REAL ACTION, AND OFFERS THE ADDED ADVANTAGE THAT HE’LL DO ALL THE WORK BLOWING AIR THROUGH HIS OWN ASS.”
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World Cup Players Faking Not Only Fouls, But Orgasms!
“WELL, FANS, THIS ONE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE REAL, USUALLY THEY FAKE IT EVEN WHEN THEY’RE NOT EVEN TOUCHED.”
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